don't fuck me
boring style
One would think that the worst thing is
no sex at all...
interview: Jacqueline Fernandez
Truth: Women love foreplay. If you are challenged at going down on a woman, do her a favor and let her know. Honesty will make the situation sexy. There is nothing worse than being that guy who is talked about giving head like a pussycat drinking milk.
This happens, gents. Take note on what three different women are saying.
Female #1
What was your boring/worst experience?
1. Anytime I have been denied sex. Anytime. At all. Whether he's tired, coked up, drunk, depressed, whatever the reason, I really do not care. Sure, I've had sex that wasn't worth it... but I can be with a boring, insensitive, inadequate partner and usually entertain myself well enough. Men have told me that because I'm a woman, it's easier for me to get laid, and that has made me spoiled. I think that my competitive sex drive just tends to be intimidating.
2. Anytime someone has said “I love you” or something sentimental during sex. No, you don't. Lying to me while your dick is inside me is a real orgasm killer for me. Actually, it is the ultimate experience killer. How would you like me to tell you I fucked one of your friends and his dick was bigger while you're inside me? Not very much? Well, at least I would be telling the truth.
3. If you don't go down on me, or we only have sex once, I am disappointed. I expect oral at least once, and I expect to have sex at least twice, for at least 30 minutes to an hour each time. Gentlemen, do you not realize how a dripping wet vagina and me already being pleased benefits us both? Each orgasm is like an espresso shot that just riles me up and makes me want more. Spend some time with your fingers and mouth on me in the beginning, and it will be smooth slippery hot sailing. Not to mention, I will now be focused on pleasing you! You could have already done your job before even getting inside me. I rarely get what I want. Maybe I just want too much... I will continue to dare to dream.
Thinking back on your experience(s), do you think there could have been a way to rectify the situation?
My pleasure is my responsibility. I can't expect a man to ask for what I want. They should, but if I'm going to get what I want, I know I have to demand it. After enough boring unadventurous lays, I suppose I'm sick of bothering and being met by blank stares. I'm not asking you to shit on me, cut me, know intricate rope knotting techniques or anything extravagant like that. If I was making such requests, I could understand your look of confusion. So I lose my gusto, give up, and turn over or jump on top (depending on what I'm in the mood for). That “you expect me to do what?” look makes me lose my arousal, and my ability to rectify the situation. When you're talking about sex, you have to be preemptive. Just like practicing safe sex, having fun gratifying equitable sex starts in the mind and with words. If we skip this step, it spirals out of control, into something only more exciting than using a dildo, because I can smell your pheromones.
What do you think the problem was? Maybe inexperience or selfishness...
I think the problem is usually the same and is usually simple. Men are selfish; they don't focus on making a woman feel beautiful. A woman who doesn't feel beautiful doesn't feel comfortable or sexy. Visual beasts that men are, they often get so excited and overwhelmed by the feast for the eyes before them; they forget about their other sense. Penetration is great, but it's like going to the carnival just for the hot dogs. There's so much more to experience and enjoy!
Do you have any advice for these males?
Boys, you all need to learn how to properly spank a woman, choke her, pull her hair, and eat pussy like you like it. Secondly, men could be more interested in making a woman orgasm and less interested on the visual feast before them. I feel like the last few partners I've had don't know what to do with their mouths! They don't ask enough questions, they don't talk dirty, they don't give enough oral, they don't devour my body with their mouths like its berries covered in cream. Where's the sensuality guys? I used to think you could tell a lot about a man by the way he kisses or dances, but I don't even trust those criteria any longer. It's all about penetration and ejaculation. Think inside my box, boys, and stop staring at my tits. One of my best friends always tells me I set my expectations too high. So I guess ultimately the most practical thing to do is lower my standards, until someone thrills me.
What would be a fantasy you would like to explore OR what was an unexpected pleasure?
I haven't been with a woman in a long time and would definitely like to do that again. Enjoying bondage and the female form weren't surprises; I was intrigued before experiencing them. It's hard to find someone to find the time and energy to put into sex to have a proper bondage session. Those are both revisits for me, but I think every partner is a new exploration or should be.
Female #2
What was your boring/worst experience?
Every time a friend asks this question, one experience always comes to mind. The sex wasn't boring, because it was a little hilarious, but it was definitely the worst. Absolutely no jackhammer sex please. I felt like I was being pecked by a woodpecker. Terrible. Why is it that younger men end up fucking you this way?
Thinking back on your experience(s), do you think there could have been a way to rectify the situation?
Ha ha, yeah, it's called calm down! We have all night.
What do you think the problem was? Maybe inexperience or selfishness...
Ladies, stop faking it. If he's not doing it right, teach with finesse. In the end, you'll be satisfied, and he'll feel like the man.
Do you have any advice for these males?
Be aware of your lover's body language. You can tell if you're doing something right just by paying attention.
What would be a fantasy you would like to explore OR what was an unexpected pleasure?
That's a secret.
Female #3
What was your boring/worst experience?
One would think that the only thing worse than boring sex is no sex at all, but that is not actually true. Boring sex requires patience, and, generally, patience is not a virtue one wishes to exercise when she is attempting to get off. As I think back on the string of douchey guys who I’ve been with, I recall one who required Mother Teresa-like compassion. But of course, I am not Mother Teresa, because I doubt Mother Teresa banged coke heads.
I had been dating this guy for a couple of weeks. I knew he liked to party, but I was unaware of the extent of it. So after two weeks of trying not to act like a slut, I finally yielded to his advances. As we began to fool around, I noticed that he wasn’t getting hard. I went down on him for what seemed like forever—still, nothing. He apologized, saying, “I’m sorry. It’s because of all that blow I did.” This seemed strange to me—not because I don’t love doing drugs—but because it was a Tuesday night, and he had been home all day. I was about to give up, when he put himself inside of me. Immediately, his dick shrank like Michael Jackson’s nose. But instead of giving up, he remained persistent and tried to fuck me with a flaccid penis. I didn’t know him that well, and I felt bitchy asking him to stop, because I was really beginning to like him. So, silently, I endured his floppy coke penis. As I laid there, I thought about how fucked up this guy must have been. Why would one want to fuck someone when he is not turned on? Why wasn’t he embarrassed? I was. I came to the conclusion that he was on such a large amount of blow, he couldn’t possibly understand how horrific the experience actually was.
I assumed that this was an isolated incident, but I was wrong. Every time we attempted to fuck, he couldn't get it up because he was always doing cocaine. Needless to say, the relationship—if you could call it that—did not work. I grew tired of getting finger banged like a seventh grade Catholic schoolgirl. And I’m sure he lost interest in me.
Thinking back on your experience(s), do you think there could have been a way to rectify the situation?
If this guy hadn't constantly been on cocaine, it still would not have worked. He was a dick.
What do you think the problem was? Maybe inexperience or selfishness...
A drug addiction.
Do you have any advice for these males?
Don’t do blow if you can’t keep it up.
What would be a fantasy you would like to explore OR what was an unexpected pleasure?
I’d prefer not to think about it after this cathartic experience.